Philalexandros
by RowenaRavenclaw96
Summary: I could've pulled him away from her. So easily, tonight. I know he still cares for me... I couldn't do it. He's part of something much larger than me...or himself. His destiny forces me to sacrifice for the greater path he must take.


This story is a three-part, each overlapping another. It is not continuous, but rather three sides of the same story, at different times, and written in different styles. So, don't be surprised if say, a dead person at the end of one part is suddenly alive again in the next. Overlaps, see. Keep up with tenses in the Part Two!

And remember, reviews are wine for the soul.

**Philalexandros**

HEPHAESTION

_(chink of wine glass) _

"Your lip is bleeding. What happened?"

_(dully)_ "Pour me some more."

"You've enough. Where did you go?"

"I'll get it myself, then." (_sloshing sounds of wine being poured)_

"Is it Alexander? It is, isn't it? We're all upset, believe me. Taking an inferior, daring to call her his _queen_...our queen. It's ridiculous. _(sigh) _But there's Alexander for you. We do naught but trust him."

"Of course."

"This -- this is personal, isn't it? You... Are you jealous?"

"No."

"Right. Gods, at least do something to stem the flow. You're getting blood all over the wine. What did you _do _to yourself?"

"Have you complete faith in him?"

"Alexander?"

"Do you trust his every decision?"

"The king does do controversial things at best of times... _(chuckle) _But yes, he is a good ruler. His are campaigns of peace. He will be good for the world -- a benevolent king."

_(softly) _"I know. When we were children, he told me about his dreams. He had visions for the lands beyond. His father only did to fuel these passions. Alexander... He wanted to see the world. He wanted to shape it in his image -- to unite it...bring glory to Macedonia."

"_Why_ are you getting yourself sickly drunk over this?"

"His mother told him that one day the world would know his name. Alexander...the Great. He truly is. He deserves that title more than anyone else. He is so charismatic...he loves to lead, and his followers love to follow him. Do you see him out there? He shines. His battles are unmatched; his tactics unwitted. He has a kind soul. He's gentle, do you know? He gives hope, and he wants to help people.

"He was the only one who saw value in me. He saw in me talent, not for my military strength, but for my intellect. He told me I was the greatest strategist -- far beyond his own ability..."

"You love him."

"...Yes."

"You grew up his closest confidant. You must be proud of him."

"He is destined for greatness."

"Yes...Hephaestion -- "

"Where does that leave _me_? What am I good for?"

"Is that what you're beating yourself about?"

"He needs me no longer. But I'll be with him always. He knows that. I gave him -- I...I am incredibly stupid." _(sharp intake of breath_)

"Hephaestion...he is a _king_. You must understand-- "

"I _do_!"

" -- he needs an heir. Be it wished for or not, it's something he needs to have. As a king. You must be selfless this once -- for the sake of -- "

"I am! Gods! I am...I know that! I know -- I... I never wanted this. I only wanted _him_. Alexander. Him. As a man. Not as a ruler -- with his _politics_. It's his politics that are causing all of these barriers. I thought our childhood could last forever."

"Maybe...maybe if you...you talked to -- "

"Ptolemy."

"Right. Not helping."

_(a sigh, the sound of wine being poured)_

"I could've...I _could've _pulled him away from her. So easily, tonight. I know he still cares for me. I saw it in his face. In his unbidden tears. He felt pain for bringing me hurt. Our hearts are entwined... I couldn't do it. He's part of something much larger than me...or himself. His destiny forces me to sacrifice for the greater path he must take."

_(silence)_

"Do you pity me, Ptolemy? I don't regret loving him. It's the best feeling. I just wish... _(whispered) _I wish I could love him freely." _(choked sob)_Alexander feels very strongly for you. He holds you in the utmost regard."

"Am I not allowed one moment to selfish for once?"

"Yes...yes, you most certainly are. Yes, of course..."

(sobbing) "I wish Alexander were just any other commoner. Someone I don't have to share. I hate her. I hate her for taking him away from me... I'm breaking into a thousand pieces -- I hate her... Oh, gods, I love him... I love him so much -- "

(sobbing and gasping, the sound of a wine glass shattering)

ROXANE

_"You will bear my son."_

How many months has it been? How many years? She had hated him from the beginning.

---

She's an ambitious woman. When her father had approached her with news of proposal, she had been pleased. She knew this fair-haired man possessed the qualities for a powerful king. It would be good for her -- to get out of her father's tribe and see the world. She was excited -- how lucky to have Alexander the Great pass through those lands.

She'd seen the desire in his eyes during her tribal dance. She was surprised to also find a nurturing warmth, a curiosity and innocence in the depth. But what had she expected? The cold, merciless ice of a conqueror?

The atmosphere was merry -- laughter and cheers all around. Except one -- he sat closely to the king, clearly one of the more important generals. He looked majestic enough to be King; in fact, he was taller than Alexander, his head graced smartly with dark tresses. Though, his frown was focused on his leader and herself. She noticed how his stares would alternate over her way, following Alexander's line of vision. His gaze upon herself unnerved her. She couldn't decipher its meaning: was it of annoyance? Of suspicion? Or was it of contempt, her being deemed unworthy as an Asian?

---

From that night to her nuptials, she watched Alexander closely. He was always with the dark haired man she'd first noticed at the welcoming ceremony. They seemed close and tender -- Alexander seemed most relaxed, most open and off-guard with him. Were they lovers? Their intimacy suggested so. No matter, when she became queen, he would be an interference no longer.

---

Her maidservants rushed mutely around her, fixing her hair, rubbing oils into her skin, painting ritual designs on her legs, arms and fingers. She walked into Alexander's tent, loosely clothed, to find the dark-haired man already there.

He was crying -- clinging onto Alexander, who was close to tears himself. Rage unfurled in her stomach. That was deliberate! He plotted to ruin her marriage night. He noticed her presence and felt her anger seething off her person. His damage was done. He slid away piteously.

_"You love him?"_

Alexander hesitated. "He is...Hephaestion."

Hephaestion.

---

Alexander took Hephaestion with him wherever he went. Even when they were alone, that wretched Hephaestion was there -- his scent all over Alexander's body, his love, his devotion, his constant reminder in the form of a blood red ring -- a present from Hephaestion to Alexander, which he wore ceaselessly, although she makes him take it off the nights he visits her caravan.

His visits were always for _political_ reasons. Alexander needed an heir. Which was precisely what _she_ needed to pull Alexander from the tight clutches of Hephaestion. She grew more and more restless and frantic as Alexander's visits to her caravan diminished, and yet, she still could not produce a son.

She feared that she'd lost her husband forever...but that wasn't right -- she never had him to begin with.

---

Something went horribly wrong at a banquet, and from what she could gather from the slaves, Alexander killed his comrade Cleitus and was shocked into depression. It was perfect -- Alexander was a mess, and she could use this to win back his favor.

She rushed toward his tent, but the guards barred her entrance.

"The king is to see no one but Hephaestion."

Mention of that name will break however a happy mood, and she forgot all plans to coax her way in. "Let me in!" She ordered. "I'm your _queen_. I command you to let me in." She shoved at their arms holding the crossed weapons.

The two guards looked at each other nervously, and hesitantly let her pass. She rushed forward -- right into Hephaestion.

He frowned at her, and a crazy urge to grab the guard's sword and plunge it in his heart swelled in her chest.

"Leave here," Hephaestion said in his misty voice that she could not stand. "He doesn't need you."

How dare he decide what Alexander needs or not. "And he needs _you_?" She spat viciously, approaching him, the drive to inflict pain -- of any sort -- raging through her shaking body.

He didn't reply, the answer on his face plain. Hephaestion turned and walked away from her.

"I'm your _queen_!" She shrieked. "_His_ queen!" Hephaestion disappeared into Alexander's tent, although she knew he had heard her. She let out an anguished scream and pushed roughly back past the guards, her fury multiplied tenfold.

---

It was terribly lonely with no one but the same slaves each day. There came a point when the most she saw Alexander was at an occasional banquet, or in the distance, on his way to a strategy meeting. And each time she caught sight of her _husband_, that knife Hephaestion planted in her stomach on her wedding night twisted deeper.

Alone in her caravan, she had all the time in the world for that blackened fury to infest every corner of her heart. And that single obsession gave fuel to her plotting mind. She would sit idle no longer.

She sent her maidservants out to visit local apothecaries, old women who were skilled in herbs -- anyone who could help her situation. They returned with a variety of fertility potions and plants, each with warnings of caution in consumption.

She took them all at once.

---

"Alexander." He looked up at her in surprise. She wondered bitterly if he even remembered her existence.

"Roxane... What are you doing here? It's late..."

"Am I not allowed to see my husband once in a while? How long has it been since you've last spoken to me?"

To his credit, Alexander had the grace to look ashamed.

"I am your queen, remember."

"Yes, of course."

"Why did you marry me, Alexander?" He looked uncomfortable. "What use am I to you now? You never let me share your bed anymore... I feel unwanted." She walked over to him. "If you'll not have me as a companion, then at least let me fulfill my duties as a wife..."

Alexander swallowed and closed his eyes. She knew she had him now.

"I'm so lonely..." she whispered.

---

Her dream comes true. It was the original plan -- the results same, but the reasons warped in the years. Roxane is pregnant. The old women in the villages tell her it's a boy. A son. Roxane can't be happier. She will have her payback. Her life will go as planned. It's been delayed long enough.

When she first wed Alexander, she had a complete different vision of what her life would be. She envisioned herself powerful and important, a jewel in Alexander's court.

She'd been shunned instead, holding copious amounts of _potential_ power, but avoided by Alexander's men, marked as an uneducated barbarian. Alexander himself was too busy with Hephaestion, his heart holding no room for anyone else.

This son will change everything. Roxane will clear room in Alexander's heart for herself, and the first step to that is Hephaestion. _Charming Hephaestion...his soul is so pure, his heart sweet and loving._ Alexander is blind. Roxane sees him as a cunning, sly fox who managed to deceive Alexander for his own benefits. She knows she is not alone in her opinion of Hephaestion. Alexander's generals know him as a useless man, with no extraordinary strength in war, but sidled up to the position of Alexander's right hand man on manipulating Alexander's emotions alone.

Hephaestion is disliked and singled out by everyone, like Roxane, but Hephaestion _needs_ no one, as he is so loved by Alexander. Roxane, however, does not have the pleasure of the king's devotion. Without Alexander, Hephaestion, like herself, is nothing.

That devilish man has poisoned Alexander's mind. Poison. How fitting.

---

It is ridiculous. Alexander stayed in Hephaestion's room for four days, moaning, unmoving from the dead man's body. Roxane clenches her fists in annoyance, but no matter, she tells herself, let him grieve. Soon, he will forget all about Hephaestion. She places a hand protectively over her stomach.

Still, a nagging voice in the back of her mind wonders if _she_ had been the one poisoned, what would Alexander's reaction be?

---

"_You killed him_!" Alexander corners Roxane with a knife at her throat. She can hardly breathe in fear, the look in Alexander's merciless eyes finally reflecting the indomitable conqueror he is.

"You would kill me, your queen, over a suspicion?" She manages to gasp out.

"I would kill anyone to avenge my Hephaestion." His voice is ragged, the tear trickling down his eye unfitting for his ferocious stance.

"I didn't -- I swear, I didn't kill him -- I -- "

"_Who else_? You killed him, do not lie!" He pushes the knife closer to her neck, his body trapping her.

"Alexander, _please_! Please -- I'm with child... I'm with ch...child." Her breathing came out in gasps. "Alexander, a son... a son -- your heir, Alexander -- "

He looks at her with disbelief, the tears still falling. He takes a sharp, shaking breath, and backs away from Roxane. He departs, and Roxane slides down to the floor. And even in her trembling fear, she feels a satisfaction -- she will make him come around.

Her precious son is a gift from the gods. It protects her when she most needs protection, and will secure her rightful position in time.

---

Roxane wants a husband who cares for her -- it's the least anyone deserves. Such a simple request, denied first by another man, and a second time by Death.

Now she understands, as Alexander's life flew to join Hephaestion's -- Hephaestion and Death are one and the same. He is a force that claims Alexander. Even gone, he is the reason for Alexander's downfall. How else could Alexander the Great succumb to such a folly? The treachery was blatant, yet he drank the poison readily.

Alexander's mind poisoned by Hephaestion, and now his body, too. Poison. How fitting.

ALEXANDER

"_I am with child...A son -- your heir, Alexander --_ " 

The near-scalding water of his bath eased the tension in his body, but did nothing to soothe the pain in Alexander's heart. Bagoas's soft hands massaged Alexander's shoulders as he listened to Alexander's grievances of Hephaestion mutely.

The tears were familiar to Alexander after the continuous months. They were strangely comforting to him. He felt he owed something to his love, something Roxane took. Vengeance was still due. Blood needed to be spilt.

"They are plotting against me. I see it. My ranks are breaking. Everything is falling apart." Alexander squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his head back to rest against the rim of the tub. Bagoas lathered soap on Alexander's forearm.

"I was once the beloved king...what happened? Hephaestion would know. Gods...Hephaestion. He's not even here to comfort me anymore. He would know just the perfect thing to say..." Bagoas continued to cleanse Alexander silently.

"Let them plot. My dream is dead. It died with Hephaestion. I thought I could go on -- I'm so weak without him. I never realized that. He was my practical side, my logic and reason. He supported me, gave me the confidence I crave. I promised I would follow him in death... Soon, Hephaestion, my love, soon..."

Alexander allowed himself a moment to just feel the slave's skilled hands roam over his chest. "He is most precious to me...but I made things horrible for him. The others didn't like him -- jealous, they were. They also underestimated his intellect. He was worth little in their eyes. I was the only one who saw him for what he was." Alexander smiled as Hephaestion's face loomed in his memory.

"I caused him pain -- when I married Roxane, I felt my own heart break in echo to his. He gave me this -- "Alexander held up his hand for Bagoas to see. The ring from Egypt that was Hephaestion's gift to him still graced his finger. "This has become my most prized possession. It's my link to him." Alexander kissed the ring.

"Roxane... Her life is to be pitied, too. Yet, harming Hephaestion is unforgivable. Her use of my son as a shield was disgusting. She thinks my heir has saved her, but in truth, it will harm her even more. You see, the only person the unborn child has saved is me."

Alexander picked up Bagoas's slender wrist and absentmindedly covered it with kisses. "I longed to join Hephaestion as I swore I would do, but what sort of king would I be, selfishly taking my life with no succession to the throne? It's only too perfect. My heir arrived at the most opportune time."

Alexander stepped out of the bath and Bagoas dried him gingerly and thoroughly with a towel. "My ties as a ruler killed Hephaestion. And now it will kill me as well. It won't be long now -- my men are growing restless. Suddenly, land and wealth mean so little."

Bagoas held out Alexander's garments, but Alexander waved them away. "It's been more than half a year... I'll be with him soon. It's been too long..."

As he said this, Alexander pulled Bagoas to him and kissed his mouth, his tongue tasting Bagoas's lips and imagining something else.

"Much too long..." Alexander pulled Bagoas's body against his, finding comfort in the hot flesh, and Bagoas offered his body willingly, like a good slave boy was expected.


End file.
